interdependent


“… my friends say that i am materialistic, but am i really?”
November 12, 2013, 4:56 am
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i felt like shaking my head as i was reading the post and the article. except i didn’t. because i was lazy (it was too early in the morning for vigorous exercises), i was lazy (what’s the point of shaking my head to no one? i can mentally shake my head to myself if i’m the intended audience) and i was growing apathetic to stupid online shenanigans.

but i’ve to blog it! simply because i’m highly opinionated.

so the issue in case: http://therealsingapore.com/content/dear-trs-my-friends-say-i-am-materialistic-am-i-really

i’ve already seen the original article in stomp a few weeks back. i presume the girl also emailed TRS her same concern and tadah i’m reading the same problem a second time. classic case of girl is complaining about first-world-problems and the whole world attacks her back for being stupid and unappreciative and whats not. and oh, some really sweet people who offered her really good solutions too.

my opinions, you ask? (sigh, i don’t really want to say this… [haha! i’m so lame. <see i told you i was adhd. parenthesis in a parenthesis in a parenthesis lor!>])

i’m wondering if the girl set herself up by putting in too much of some details and missing out too much of some details. by doing that, she essentially gives people the idea that she has told her whole story when she has not. for example, she goes to the extent of describing she has been with her “boyfriend for slightly for less than one year”, he fits her “criteria for a partner- tall and well-built, intelligent, caring and probably one of the sweetest guys around”, he brought her “to Sushi Tei” and gave her “a sweet handmade card”. but she does not, for example, describe the background of her boyfriend, what “classy romantic dining establishments” her friends have been wined and dined with, and what “generous… presents” have she gifted her boyfriend with. so, people think they know the full story but they actually know very little.

this “NUS girl” described her boyfriend with “frugality”, “thrifty” and “stingy” both in the beginning and at the end of the note. coupled with all the “gold-digger”, “expensive presents” and similar descriptions in the body of the text, it is very easy to, like everyone else, come to the superficial conclusion that this girl is materialistic and a “gold-digger”. but what if, she’s just simply complaining that her boyfriend is too frugal, thrifty and stingy for her, and she chose the wrong examples to substantiate her point?

but is frugality, thriftiness and stinginess bad? actually frugality and thriftiness is good. but stinginess is bad. frugality and thriftiness have the nuance of prudence. it is stupid to spend over a million on a Lamborghini and smash it in public simply because you can afford to do it. it is not stupid to spend over a million on a Lamborghini for your father (maybe it has been his life dream, you’re not going to take out a 40 year loan just to buy the car, a million is simply a drop in the ocean for you etc. look at the context) as an expression of your love for him. on the other hand, stinginess is simply being ungenerous, being miserly. you can well afford to do it but you choose not to. it’s a thin fine line between frugal/thrifty and stingy. you can be not-so-well-to-do, frugal yet generous. but you can also be rich and stingy. it’s a mindset that will be translated into actions.

in my church, there’s a saying, “you can give without loving, but you can’t love without giving.” when you love someone, you’ll want to give that person – you’ll want to give what the other person wants, you want to give of your precious. [and that precious goes beyond money and material goods. it may be time (if you’re an extremely busy person), it may be words (you may be an extremely laconic person), it can be anything that you’re frugal with.] for example, my dad is extremely attached to his work – he works 7 days a week and his overseas business trips are always as short as possible as he can’t bear to be away from his business. but he loves us so much that he’s willing to sacrifice up to a week each time to bring us overseas for our school holidays.

so maybe, this boyfriend is so stingy that it makes his girlfriend feel unloved. it’s not the price tag but the sincerity.

of course there could be many other factors in play too. some comment-ors on the TRS page have mentioned about meeting the right love language, communication etc.. i agree, but no time to talk so much.

so dear NUS girl, i hope you’re not as materialistic as you made yourself out to be. talk it out with this guy. if he’s willing to change, congratulations and have fun enduring the change process (it doesn’t happen overnight). if he rather stays in his giamsiap ways forever and you can’t take it, then don’t take it.



back so that i can practise writing
November 12, 2013, 3:15 am
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i’ve always been envious of people who can write really well. i mean, their one sentence in instagram can make that mundane picture seem so much more interesting.

so in my attempt to “practise to improve my writing” (that was a thought i used to chide myself when i was complaining to myself that i’m envious of people who can write well), i’m going to blog for myself a little more often. well hopefully. (i think i’m a little adhd so i’m not able to do anything consistently. i think the adhd also results in many parentheses aka side thoughts.)

i’ll also take it as an avenue for me to comment about stuff i read, i see and i feel. hopefully i won’t be too embarrassed when i look back on the stuff in here 10 years later. fingers crossed.

 



November 6, 2010, 12:29 am
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How much more of these escapism acts before it really cracks me?

Or am I already cracked so badly that I can’t build myself up?



Day 13: more milkshakes
May 22, 2010, 4:03 am
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Milk, cookie dough ice cream and chips more cookies. Yums!!!



day 8: day of new beginning
May 17, 2010, 10:26 am
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i attempted to do this post on my new iphone *beams with pride while embarrassed that i’m that lagged in getting one* but the wordpress app didnt seem to allow pictures. do let me know if otherwise.

the 8th day is usually the first day of a new week. just like how i count monday as the first day of a new week (although most people actually say that the first day is sunday. but that’s confusing. and it messes up the calendar in my head!). similarly, i’m going to regard it as the first day of my new beginning. i’m going to stop being slack and start doing the things i need to. namely mug hard for my mcat and finish up tons of bible reading and books for sot, which are all kinda depressing. but God’s good, im going to be done with them soon.

on a side note, here’s what i just had.

for the undiscerning, it’s mango milkshake! my new rage for this fast is to blend stuff! everyone’s been joking that i should just blend all the stuff i like to eat. but that’s just gross. thus far i’ve only blended bananas and mango cos they’re lying everywhere in my house. maybe i’ll try something else next time. but thats till then.
i actually take quite a lot of stuff even when im fasting. example just today, i had a bowl of herbal+chicken soup (thanks to my mum! of course i take it without the chicken *sobs*), a glass of milo, a glass of green tea+honey (self-brewed, not bubble tea kind), a glass of apple+carrot+spinach juice and the mango milkshake. and i expect more soup for dinner in a while. thats actually quite a lot of sugar huh.


Day 6: greed
May 15, 2010, 12:09 pm
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It’s already day 6 and the desire to eat has not decreased but increased exponentially!! In fact, I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m not really hungry. I’m just missing the motion of eating and being able to satisfy every pang my body throws at me.

And breaking that desire to constantly fulfill my flesh should, and is, compelling me to perservere in this fast.



day 4: dnd
May 13, 2010, 7:37 pm
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day 4 is actually over but since ive yet to sleep, i still count it as day 4 :)

recounting last night, we had a feast to celebrate evan’s birthday. i know it might be a stumbling block, but i shelved my fast for that 3 hours with the excuse of preventing my granny/dad/whoever else from being upset about me fasting. and so regardless of its ethics, i gorged on food for the first time in 3 days. we had some huge ass oysters (i wanted to upload the photos but it was taking forever) and the BIG alaskan king crab. was so crazy full. and so after that it was back to fasting.

amazing things during sot. i mean, how can things not be amazing in that setting. pastor prayed for preaching and preachers and god’s vision simply gripped my heart. but im going to need more revelation and clarity from god on that. it’s like im hoping god will sharpen the image in my mind.

the highlight of day 4 was dnd. was fashionably late (as usual) but had a ball of a time with the folks from table 13 – garrie, bev (3 MUSKETEERS!), puifun, chungping, jiachi & rachel, weixin, altay and eugene! we went crazy at times and sabo-ed and made so much necessary noise. i hardly got any pictures cos there were FOUR professional cameras on the table! made me so shy about my lil compact camera. so pictures will definitely be grabbed from them.

a bunch of us went down to clarke quay after that and had fun! its just hilarious to keep making guys chug and cheating like crazy at the games. all we did was shout DRINK! without even any consideration for the rules. but who cares, rules are for losers. no? :P

i have more to say about dnd but its really late and i cant concentrate anymore.