interdependent

in recently months/years, ive come to learn more about my obsessive nature. it’s probably the obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd) that everyone talks about. but i seriously get addicted/sucked into one particular thing once i start on it. if it’s a korean drama, i HAVE to finish it, even if it means i dont get to sleep till 9am. the same goes for sudoku (and killer sudoku) and many other random stupid games. maybe it’s the recognition of this ocd that deters me from wanting to learn/know new things. but on the other hand, it might be just an excuse for being lazy.

i was hooked onto the korean drama “a star’s lover” just a while back. and by a while, i meant 5 days ago. it’s 20 episodes long and i’ve already watched it twice. albeit the second time was the fast forwarded version. i started on thursday night and watched 9 episodes till 8 in the morning. then i continued on friday night where i finished the remaining 12 episodes at 9am. sometimes i wonder if i’m the only crazy person who does this. but i hope not. dont wanna feel screwed alone.

but the show was really good!

choi ji won was the lead actress and she was really pretty and elegant. she had quite a bit of act cute scenes that sometimes made me cringe, but i can absolutely forgive them. and since im a sucker for sappy-ness, her tears make her even more endearing to me. and her character’s persistence in pursuing the man of her dreams is so attractive.

and the lead actor was yoo ji tae. he was kinda the reason i even searched out this drama. well kinda. i actually have ABSOLUTELY no idea who he is before this drama. and the real reason i searched out for this drama was that i thought the lead guy in dae jang geum (his name is actually ji jin hee). and yoo ji tae actually looked a lil ugly at some times. but like most korean actors, he started to grow on me. and the aloofness, intellect and sporadic episodes of passion just swept me off my feet. and did i mention he wears this pair of really ah pek specs that makes him so smart and hot? totally fulfills my fetish for hot guys in glasses.

the chemistry between the two leads was just phenomenal. they didnt feel distant and unfamiliar with each other. instead, they really felt like a couple. the way they laughed at random stuff. the way their eyes expressed a desperate desire for each other. and the way she’s so not shy when he’s so shy. i told my boyfriend that it totally reminded me of when we started dating.

damn. just writing this makes me wanna watch it again.

the show wasnt all that good too though. it had a magical start. got really really really dragging in the middle. but ended really nicely. it has one of the best endings ive seen in a long while. at least it’s an ending that left me satisfied and ugly.

and ive a qualms against the child actors dramas like to use. the child actors used to depict the lead characters are always so cute/pretty! but the offsprings of the lead characters are always so UGLY!

okie. when i start rambling about random stuff like these i really dont know how to end the post. so i shall just abruptly end it now.

-abrupt end-

i just had a haircut today and im absolutely pleased about it. not because it looks super awesome (even though it is pretty nice). it’s just that i finally did it after procrastinating since july (and yes im a fervent fan of procrastination). and short hair is so awesome to manage as compared to a head of thick hair that takes forever to dry. woohoo. and i think i look less sian and more spunky now. as my hairstylist of 8 years who charged me exorbitant prices said: 你好刳喔！haha.

i used to love cutting my hair quite a lot. i remembered how i had a major haircut just before the release of my O levels and after my A levels. i leave it long and messy when im just bored/lazy/too poor to cut my hair. maybe it’s really time that i move onto a new hairstylist who charges less.

but the way the scissors goes “SNIP!” and your hair just falls is pretty cool. the snipping just sounds nice. and of course, it’s therapeutic only if the hairstyle turns out nice. additional stress if you look horrible after that.

i must be one of the most unfaithful at updating my blog. but then, i think ive an innate gift for giving up on things. so im kinda excused isnt it? haha. chris mentioned that i hardly update, so i shall update just to prove him wrong :)

life had been kinda mundane. inertia filled life again. i hate these feelings of lethargy and sianness. but im getting more and more prone to it. it feels like an endless slippery slope unless i decide to change direction and head upwards.

speaking of slippery slope, i had an inspiration (i dont really like to use revelation in this case cos i tend to associate it more with godly epiphanies) about how it really is like. when people say/think they are going down a slippery slope, i doubt they really think much about it. they probably thought they are in control in the beginning and think they could hopefully reach the bottom safely and still upright. but the amazing thing about slippery slopes is that, it is SLIPPERY. so somehow, you’ll lose control of your steadiness and just tumble down at an exponential rate.

and i do think i am on such a slippery slope where i am about to officially lose control of my life soon. unless of course, i reiterate, i decide to change direction.

i have a lot of things on my mind now. there is my nonexistent spiritual life complicated by being torn between my spirit and flesh. and then there is studying for my graduate school. and of course, my absolute lack of references for these applications.

after writing that, i realized how self-centered i am. maybe i should get out and give back to the society. i should. stupid selfish michelle. rah.

i recently experienced and heard a few comments that inspired me to write up a post on names. just thinking about the various names already cracked me up.

now, there are different types of names or nicknames that are pretty funny.

the first type are those who are just called ah boy, ah girl or meimei, simply because of their gender or seniority in the family. i saw so many of such examples when swarms of my relatives came to visit over the weekend. when they introduced themselves to my gramps, many of them just said “ah gong, i am ah boy” or “ah gong, i am mei mei” (this was  for my youngest sister who is only called mei mei in my family simply because her real english name was too long for the older folks to remember/pronounce. and this was despite that fact that tons of my cousins were younger than her). in families where there are more than one boy, they simply called themselves 大boy and 小boy. my gramps must have heard so many people claiming to be ah boys, 大boys and 小boys to totally not remember who they actually were. just when i thought this phenomenon was restricted to only nicknames, i was proven so wrong when my eldest uncle and eldest aunt’s names were “ah di” and “ah mei” respectively.  for the absolutely  uncultured, that obviously translates to ah boy and ah girl.

another type is when nicknames are formed by absurd distortions of their formal name. im one such example. thanks to the elderly folks in my household again, i am not called michelle in my family. as a matter of fact, im sure no one will know who the hell you’re talking about if you pronounced my name the proper way. no no. im affectionately called mee-xiao. hell knows how that happened and im still pretty uncomfortable if i had to address myself with that name. but it’s still hilarious to see how people reacted to it. other examples of such distortion are the unfortunate other-halves of my cousin and mine. ive absolutely no idea what my cousin’s girlfriend’s real name is, but i do know that she’s called “orh-nee” (yes, it’s that oily yam paste dessert). hey, maybe it’s her high-caloric nature that attracted my cousin to her. HAHA. okie. mean joke. on the other hand, my poor boyfriend is hilariously called 酒鬼 in my family. of course they’re always nice and courteously and calling him qiugui before him. but man, i never knew that my family could come up with so many alcoholic related jokes till i met him. but then, in my auntie’s word, such nicknames made this two “outsiders” feel more friendly and relatable.

one last type (of the countless types) are names that run in the family. it’s like primus, secundus, tertius, quartus, quintus, sextus and septimus in stardust. or jennifer, julianne and jessica in julz’s family. it’s as if you immediately knew they were from the family just by looking at their names. of course, you prob wont figure out that me, jo and evan are of the same family purely by looking at our english names. you might not even notice if you saw us in real life since one is sooo fat, the other is sooo skinny and the last is sooo averagely sized (no. im not the fat one, jo is not the skinny one. and evan is not the average sized one). but look at our chinese name and you’ll realize. we all start with 思. my dad is his siblings name starts with 承 while my mum’s side starts with 慕. i think the chinese version of naming your kids with the same word seems so much cooler. though i hafta admit the stardust version of naming kids is pretty awesome too. but it shouldnt be translated into chinese cos they’ll probably just be called 老大, 老二, 老三, 老四, 老五, 老六, 老幺.

and thus i conclude my random entry at 1.06am. im just crazy. i need sleep.

i should be getting ready for school now but everyone knows my attitude towards school anyway. i came across this article about miss california mentioning that she is personally against gay marriage and lots of people, including her “best friend”, have backlashed her about that comment.

i had a similar conversation with a bunch of friends just a while back. some of us were firmly against it and i was pretty unconcerned about it cos its pretty much none of my business. so you could say im pretty apathetic towards this issue. but what really irked me about what happened to this miss california was that she wasnt even allowed an opinion of her own. 

While all of the state pageant directors were quick to greet their beauty queens after the live telecast, Moakler and Lewis did not go backstage, nor did they call Prejean to congratulate her on being first runner-up for Miss USA, after Prejean told a national TV audience that she was personally opposed to gay marriage

…

“Hollywood isn’t just liberal, it is fearfully liberal. It is easier in Hollywood to say you’re a drug addict or to pretty much anything than to admit to being a committed Christian,” media expert and longtime Hollywood publicist, Michael Levine of Levine Communications, told FOXnews.com.

…

But according to Equality California, a statewide advocacy group dedicated to winning equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, Prejean’s views on gay marriage don’t fit with those of her generation.

“It is unfortunate that Miss California, who we note did not win, is so out of touch with the overwhelming majority of people her age that she wants to deny loving, committed couples the rights and dignity that come only with marriage,” said Geoff Kors, Executive Director of Equality California.

i would say its really brave of miss california to speak her stand. a smart, albeit less convicted, person will simply go with the flow and say that shes in favor of gay marriages. but this miss california is different. she has the guts and i salute her for it.

i just believe that in this world, everyone should be entitled to their own opinion. dont cut anyone down simply because they think and believe differently from you. its awfully difficult though, especially for people like me.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517277,00.html

i don’t know why but i only blog when im feeling crappy. that’s why my blog always seems so emo. i guess when im happy i just like to share my joy with others in person.

i cant figure if it’s a good thing or bad thing to write down the sad parts of your life. the pros is that it’ll help you vent and somewhat get off your chest. cons is that you simply might feel emo again when you read them again. maybe it’ll be good to write it out, burn it and then drink it down. may those feelings and thoughts thus rest in peace forever.

i don’t even know if i should write it down or should i just let it be part of my memory. such that there’s always only proof from what i told people and not what i jotted down. and when my memory finally fades someday, i forget all those thoughts too.

maybe i should just let it live in some recess of my brain forever.

Aravis also had many quarrels (and, I’m afraid, even fights) with Cor, but they always made it up again: so that many years later, when they were grown up, they were so used to quarrelling and making it up again that they got married so as to go on doing it more conveniently.
-The Horse and his Boy, CS Lewis-

this is the first time in my life that im questioning myself. ive never seen myself as someone with inferiority complex until now. and i guess it’s that very same inferiority complex that has blinded me from the fact.

ive always come across as a hard core and insistent person. and i guess i kept reinforcing that same image so that im distinct.

im really afraid of failing and doing anything stupid that will make me look silly. thats probably why i always dont try. thats probably why i always have no funny story to share about myself.

i always live by the mantle of not troubling others if i can. thats why im always afraid to ask. unless theres someone around who’s even more afraid than me. then my pride overcomes me more than the fear of troubling others.

im very awkward about how friendships and relationships are to be. i wonder if im abrupt sometimes. or if everyone does it the same way.

life is san diego has been peaceful. nothing too exciting that i can boast about. it’s all just been good and peaceful.

things i’ve learned thus far:

1. i can actually cook

2. my social skills are so unpredictable

3. i actually do get home sick

4. i care more about appearances than i thought i do

5. i actually prefer challenging classes to overly slack ones

i just moved into my apartment and i absolutely love it! it’s wayyyy better than i expected it to be (especially after staying at eyal’s place) and my roommates are such sweet and fun people. ive yet to take pictures with them (i looked like a disaster after not having good sleep for so long) but here’s some pictures of my house :D

 and so here’s my room! see all the mess on the table? i was too tired to clear them last night. hahas.

and here’s the other side of the room, where my roomie’s bed is. she’s seriously neat as compared to me. hahas

here is anna and sherianne’s room, which is awfully neat too. sherianne’s boyfriend built her that loft bed (which is actually too high up and i heard she knocks her head against the ceiling quite abit).

and then here’s our kitchen. it’s so clean and nice and well stocked up. hahas

our dining area as seen from the kitchen. looks darn nice right?

i didnt take photo of the living room cos the sun is all bright and stuff and doesn’t turn out that well. hahas. and here’s the lil kitty that we might be adopting if the stamp of approval is given.

 creamy! dont be jealous!